Life After Death
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: Cosima's been gone for almost a week now, and all Delphine wants to know is how the hell she's supposed to get on with her life.


"Okay," Alison fussed, taking a long look around the living room. "I'll just tidy up here and then I can start making something for all of us to eat," she nodded forcefully, speaking more to herself than any of the other occupants of the room.

"Uh, Alison," Delphine sighed, taking her head out of her hands and looking up from her place on the couch to everyone gathered around her. "Merci, but I really would like to sleep right now," she hinted gently.

"Oh, well that's okay I can leave the cleaning until later if you want some peace… I'll just get started on food…" she began, smiling and nodding in agreement to her own statement.

"Alison," Sarah butted in, sensing the mood of the room even if her clone refused to. "Come on, how about me, you and Fee got back to his and get something to eat there?" she suggested hopefully.

"But what… what about Delphine?" Alison pointed, glaring at Sarah as if she were the most ignorant person in the world.

"We can send her over some leftovers tomorrow," Felix suggested, reaching out and grabbing Alison's hand. "Right now though, Kiera is at Mrs. S's… so how about me, you and Sarah have a girls night?" he prompted, giving Alison's hand a gentle tug of encouragement as he spoke.

"I… I suppose," Alison nodded slowly, seeming drawn into Felix's plan until she turned suddenly to face Delphine again. "Are you _sure _you're okay though? Sure you don't need or want anything at all?"

"Qui," Delphine nodded, almost smiling at Alison's neurotic charm. "I just need some rest… it has been a long few days."

After that everyone took their cues to go, each one first taking in turns to kiss and hug Delphine, each one promising to come by to check in on her the next day (and in Felix's case promising to take over his special brownies or a bottle of gin upon her request).

Once they were gone however Delphine almost wanted to call them back again. The apartment felt very hollow all of a sudden. She wandered about it for a while, wondering what to do with all the knick knacks she'd never really liked but agreed to have on the coffee table anyway – keep them probably. Once she wandered as far as the bedroom she knew she should probably do what she'd said she was going to do and lie down for a while, however as far as she was concerned this was easier said than done.

She'd not actually slept in their bed since Cosima had died. The night it happened she'd found herself in the place everyone seemed to find themselves when their lives fell apart and they weren't sure how they'd go on; Felix's door. She wasn't sure why it'd been there she'd gone, though a bottle of wine and a few pills later she realized it was probably the best place to come to dull her pain. After that she'd stayed with Alison up until the funeral. Personally she'd have picked anywhere to stay other than this, though both Alison and Sarah had agreed that becoming an alcoholic pill addict wasn't the best way for her to cope (which was rich coming from them), and well, she knew Alison's only way of dealing with the death of the closest thing she'd ever had to a sister was to fuss, so she let her fuss.

Now however the funeral and the after-service were over, and for the first time in days she was faced with the idea of lying down in the large double bed, knowing she'd never again feel the other side drop and an arm slide around her waist. She was alone.

She knew she had to face it sometime, and with her eyelids heavy she knew now was as good a time as any. She undressed slowly, dreading the moment she slid under the covers and destroyed any remaining fantasy that Cosima would appear from behind a curtain to hold her.

Something stopped her from getting into her own side of the bed though. She didn't know what it was; all she knew was that as she walked towards the bed, rather than move to her own side as she'd instinctively been doing for over two years now, she instead went to Cosima's.

She found that she felt closer to Cosima when she lay there, staring at the ceiling; almost sure she could feel the outline of her girlfriends body in the mattress. Just as her eyes began to close she turned her face into the pillow, wanting to fall asleep with Cosima's lingering scent around her. Her hand slid under the pillow, intending to pull it closer to her face so she could inhale nothing but Cosima's signature smell. Instead, her hand slid across a folded sheet of paper that she pulled slowly out from beneath the pillow.

Her name was scrawled across the front, the handwriting distinctively that of her girlfriends. She felt her breath hitch in her throat as she sat up in bed and groped blindly until she turned on the lamp beside her. Her fingers traced the delicate font, her entire body shaking as she contemplated what might be written on the other side of the sheet.

She almost couldn't look, almost too afraid of what Cosima might have to say to her from beyond the grave. Just as it had been when she'd opened the results of Cosima's final blood-works though she eventually summed up the courage and flipped open the page.

Again, the same delicate handwriting was scrawled across the notebook lines, and Delphine felt her heart swell and her eyes fill with tears both at the same time.

_Delphine,_

_I think we both know why I'm writing you this letter. _

_I want you to know that I love you, and I want you to know that even though we're scientists, and even though neither of us believe in another life after death, that I'll find a way to watch over you, and always be with you, no matter where I end up._

_I also want you to know that you can't be sad. We both knew this was coming and we both knew there was no cure, but this doesn't have to be the end of your happiness._

_In spite of my illness Delphine I lived a good life. I lived a really, really good life. I travelled, I met amazing people, I got a PhD in a field that I love, and most importantly I met you. I met you and I fell more deeply in love than I ever thought possible, and really, that's all I could ever have asked for._

_So you're not allowed to be sad, because you've had your life with me now and we were happy, and we loved one another, but now it's okay for you to move on from that. I'm telling you right here, it's okay to move on because even though my life was always destine to be short I lived as much of it as possible with a smile on my face, and I want you to keep doing the same, if for nothing else then do it for me._

_That's all I have to say really, except that I love you now, and forever._

_Au revoir ma petite chiot,_

_Cosima._


End file.
